On the Social Climbing of Eggs
“Dearest gentle reader,
It has been brought to this author’s attention that the humble egg —once content to arrive in a modest carton and behave as breakfast— has undergone a most ambitious transformation.
One no longer purchases eggs.
One select affiliations.
Cage-free. Free-range. Pasture-raised. Omega-3 enriched. Heritage breed. Brown. White. Speckled. Organic. Regeneratively inclined. Possibly enlightened!
It is unclear whether one intends to make an omelette or declare a moral philosophy.
Observe, if you will, the modern shopper. Intelligent. Capable. In dire need of spare time. And yet suspended before the refrigerated case, calculating not merely price, but virtue. With one wrong selection, we risk appearing insufficiently conscientious, or —worse— insufficiently informed.
How very exhausting.
There was a time when an egg was judged by a simpler metric: did it fry properly?
Now it must also testify.
Let us be honest. The hen is not personally overseeing our enlightenment.
And while certain distinctions are indeed meaningful, the performance surrounding them has grown theatrical. Every carton insists upon superiority. Every label implies a quiet indictment of the others.
One begins to suspect the egg has ambitions beyond its station.
Might I suggest a scandalous remedy?
Select a standard you understand. Choose it deliberately. Repeat it without apology. If it aligns with your principles and your budget, you have done your duty.
Breakfast need not be a referendum on our character.
After all, civilization was built on far less curated poultry.
And the omelette —when properly made— rarely asks questions.” ;)
This piece is published as part of our On the Matter of Food series, where we occasionally step back from recipes to observe the curious ways modern food culture evolves. This particular essay is written as a playful homage to the wit of Lady Whistledown (Netflix’s Bridgerton).
